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HFH
Investigative Report
Mother Teresa's Fast Track to Sainthood
November 6, 2003
Though the beatification of
Mother Teresa (MT) was the fastest in the history of the Roman
Catholic Church, HFH has uncovered evidence that the process was not
only streamlined, but
actually overridden by Pope John Paul II himself.
Many observers of the the Holy See were amazed at MT's rapid beatification, a
medieval procedure
that can take centuries.
HFH has procured a document that sheds light on
this mysterious process. Though all candidates
for sainthood must be advocated by officers of the Roman Catholic Church in a
lengthy, paperwork-
laden proceeding, for MT, Vatican officials have apparently produced an EZ short
form.
This form has been available to beatification nominators since the Vatican II
reforms, but never
before used. Most observers agree this shortcut will accelerate Mother T's
beatification process
by centuries.
The 1040-EZ Beatification Application for Sainthood and Martyrdombelow indicates the
pontiff himself may have also
intervened, which essentially locked
in MT's fast-track to sainthood.
Though he didn't have to fill out the form, it gives the layman a
rare look at the cryptic workings
of the Vatican bureaucracy.
Section
II.
I. Personal Profile of Nominator
I a. Nominator's Name: Il
Papa (John Paul II)
I b. Nominator's Eternal Security Number: _JP-2_____
I c. Diocese Code: ______________
I d. For statistical purposes: Do you have a Web site?
Yes
No
I e. Marital Status (You
must choose one.)
Single
Single
Single
I f. Gender (For statistical purposes only.)
Male
Male
II. Are you an officer of the Roman Catholic Church? _X_ Yes
___ No
If you answered no, STOP! You may not use this form.
(Use Form 1040
and Schedules A and C. You must also submit Sanctity Schedule
CCXXXVIII
and consult
Appendix LCXXV. Please
refer to Infallible Papal Compliance Pronouncement of
A.D. 1134; sections LCXIV; para CCXXIX:VI and LV:III.)
IIa. If you answered yes, what is your rank?
___ Priest
___ Monsignor ___ Bishop ___ Cardinal
_X__
Pope* _X__
Check if you declare Dictatus Papae.
* If you invoked Dictatus Papae,
May we beseech
Your Holiness
to
skip any and all
following
questions and affix your seal
to this document.
And we beg your forgiveness, Your Infallibleness,
for even troubling You with the above
question.
For lesser officers and prelates, you must answer the
following questions and submit supporting
documentation.
Section III.
— Sainthood and
Martyrdom Candidate
(All
Candidates for Sainthood and Martyrdom must answer
questions III a. through III c. Martyr nominators must also
answer
Section IV.)
III a. Please indicate which of the
supernatural events listed below were perpetrated by or associated
with the nominee. (You must indicate at least one miraculous or
unexplainable event
or
demonstration. To itemize additional miraculous instances please attach
Miraculous Event & Devine Revelation Schedule V.)
Visions/Visitations/Apparitions
Healing Beams Emanating from Eyes
Other Instantaneous Cures
Halos
Stigmata
III b. If you checked healing beams out of eyes,
or instantaneous cure what malady did they cure?
Cancer
Boils Blindness
Leprosy
Other
III b. Please describe the miracle below (250 words
or less).
III c. Eyewitness
Accounts.
Please list below at least one eyewitness above the age of four.
Name: __________________________________________
Religious Affiliation ________________________________
Has
the eyewitness been associated with or experienced any
other visions, visitations or other supernatural
events?
Yes
No
If yes, please itemize these events on Schedule
CVX-LIIIe
Section IV. — Martyrdom
Candidate
(Martyrdom nominators may use the 1040 EZ
form, but must also
submit Schedule CXXIVb along with
three letters of recommendation
and a certified and notarized statement of unbreakable faith in God
thoroughly tested by suffering at the hands of those who know not
what they do.)
Questions IV a. though
IV c. must be answered if you
are nominating
a candidate for martyrdom.
IV a. Tests of Faith.
Suffering and Sacrifice Index
(Enter a 1 for each test of
faith.)
(1)
Flayed
Eyes gouged out
Whipped/Beaten
Imprisoned
Impaled
Burned at the Stake
Exile
Other
General Trials and Tribulations
(Suffering that includes boils, other skin eruptions
and/or general infestations, is considered a test of faith and should
be included in the next line item.)
Tests of Faith
(You must itemize events on Divine Intervention Schedule CVX-LIIId)
IV b. Suffering Index (total column 2)
_____________
If the total is 2 or less, STOP! Your
candidate does not qualify
for martyrdom. If the total is 3 to
6, you must answer question IVc. If the total is 7 to 9, you must
use long form 1040.
IV c. Describe in agonizing detail the torture
and/or tribulations experienced by the nominee (Each event should be
limited to
500
words or less.)
