Doc
Savage Meets the Master of Sinistry
Part
1 (Part 2)
Editors' Note --
The original Doc Savage was a pulp adventure series featuring a large
muscular male hero with no super powers or extrasensory abilities. Rather, he
was a multi-faceted generalist who relied on a far-fetched range of knowledge
and skills that he used to fight equally far-fetched villains.
We began writing parodies of Doc Savage stories back
in high school (a long time ago, never mind exactly how long ago -- just keep
reading). Dug up from the pre-Palm Pilot beforetime these parodies existed
only as single copies, hand-written on notebook paper (the transcriptive
quality could be likened to that produced by a 14th-century monastery, minus
the beautiful calligraphy and illuminations, not to mention the profound theological
content). The precious sheets were circulated at the back of the room while,
somewhere up front, the teacher was attempting to fulfill some state-based curriculum requirements.
The first few episodes to be printed in Heisenberg's
Fun House with only minor edits are direct from the notebook of a student
who attended Sweet Home High School in Western New York. (Go ahead, laugh, our
football team was 8-0 -- of course, with a name like that, we had better be.)
We
also hope to update the concept with some new adventures
by Dan Herbeck
Chapter One -- The Sickening
Shroud
An unusually evil atmosphere enveloped the metropolis of Cosmopolitan
City – as if something terrible was impending. When the jet-black shroud of
smoke had appeared over the horizon, people in the city nonchalantly joked
about the forthcoming "rainstorm." Little did they realize the
ghastly fate that would befall them. As the horrid shroud approached the city,
weathermen scanned their maps in disbelief, since nothing was registering on
their instruments.
Meanwhile, a disgustingly evil ship hovered overhead, concealed in the
vaporous foliage. At the helm was an evil, disfigured German veteran of World
War 1 -- Dr. Otto von Sinister. The conversation was sickly and gruesome; yet
its contents are essential to our story.
"Zulu! Come here, you idiot," said the doctor.
"Yes, master," was his cannibal servant's tart reply.
"And bring my shoes -- all of them!"
"Okey-doke, master" the ungainly manservant bellowed.
The gigantic, 9-foot, 640-pound servant came to the front of the ship
carrying four tiny shoes. Finally, we get a disturbing look at the doctor. He
has three gaping holes in his left ear lobe. It is through one of these holes
that his voice is released. The unfortunate man was relieved of his mouth in
World War I. His nose has but one
nostril, and it is a nauseating one at that. His four tiny legs culminate in
four tiny feet. Each foot contains the unfortunate sum of two toes. The loss
of his arms and neck is likewise unfortunate. His eighteen fingers are
attached where his navel once existed. However, he is considered a handsome
man, and quite popular with the ladies.
After donning his shoes, Dr. Von Sinister headed the spaceship towards
Cosmopolitan City Hall. He pointed his evil ray gun at the building and, with
the push of a button, instantly reduced the structure to a shambles. Almost
immediately, Mayor Herlak summoned the only man who could possibly combat the
ghastly "thing" in the black shroud -- Doctor Clark Savage!!
Chapter Two -- Doc Savage Enters the
Picture
Doc had been home practicing knitting with his toes. He heard the phone
ring once. He decided to, and did, finish his knitting before the phone rang a
second time.
"Hello" was Doc's opening statement.
"Doc," said Mayor Herlak, "we need help. There's a black
shroud overhead and it destroyed that fake model of City Hall that you gave us
in case anyone came by with an evil ray gun, or other evil intentions"
"That inflatable model really did the trick," mused Doc.
"Okay, I'll be over in a jiffy with my crew."
Doc gathered his crew. Monk, Ham, Long Tom, Bologna Bob (Ham's
brother), and Penny. Little John was off on a trip pursuing his hobby of bee
watching. The crew quickly jogged the 12 miles to City Hall.
Upon arriving, Doc sent out his crew to investigate. Meanwhile, he went
to confer with Mayor Herlak about the terrible incident.
It’s terrible," Mayor Herlak exclaimed when Doc had put one foot
into his office. "No one has ever done this before. If you had not given
us that model of City Hall, I don't know what would have happened."
Doc, who stood smiling at the mayor, injected, "Hi Mayor, What's
new?"
This broke up even the conservative mayor, who then smiled three rows
of even teeth.
"Seriously," said Doc, "the less informed may shrug this
off as a natural phenomenon, but I believe this looks to be the handiwork of
Dr. Otto von Sinister. Did
anything unusual happen before the faux City Hall was vaporized?"
"Great Caesar’s Ghost"
stated the Mayor without batting his one eyelash, "There was a
dark cloud …'up there'"!!
"No doubt about it, that
"ray-gun-in-the-black-cloud-up-there"
is a typical von Sinister ploy. I will go and find him."
Upon finishing his declaration, Doc leaped out of the 13th-story
window, changing into a new set of clothes as he gracefully descended. Out of
the corner of his eye, about two blocks away on Gnu Street, Doc spied a small
potato beetle in terrible pain. Samaritan Doc Savage immediately rushed to its
assistance.
The sky suddenly became very dark "up there." Then, a
whirring, earsplitting sound pierced the air. Doc's nostrils flared at the
familiar scent of danger. It was
the black shroud again, hovering closer to the ground than ever. All was dark
-- very dark. A sickening, musty odor filled the air and everyone in the area
fell into a deep, relaxing sleep.
Hours later, the people awoke to an eerie silence. The evil shroud had
lifted and the whirring song it emitted was gone; so too, strangely enough,
was Doctor Clark Savage.
Doc Savage -- Part 2
