Vaguery Owner: Chef Petre -- or is it Pierre? -- explains, "We have created the purposefully nonspecific dining experience for the adventurous, as well as the bored. This is a restaurant where one places their meal order and something like what they ordered, or a reasonable facsimile thereof, is created for them, or perhaps someone who looks like them seated at, or near, their table -- at no particular time."

One may inquire, "Why?"

"One explanation is that a certain degree of vagueness has always been part of the restaurant dining experience. For example, someone who orders French fries does not indicate how many individual fries they expect to receive. Or, when ordering a hamburger, one does not specify which cow -- although when one takes the time to think about it, the choice of cow would seem to be of extreme importance.  And once again, there is the temporal uncertainty -- since the diner does not know precisely when it will arrive!"

"I shall continue with a growing, restless anger: For that matter, does the diner specify which member of the restaurant staff prepares the meal?  Although one assumes it to be the cook, they in fact do not know, nor do they inquire, as to whom the cook is. And, for that matter, whether he or she even exists. The diner therefore proceeds on a stumbling religious faith that there indeed is one at all."

"We at the Vaguery have taken this previously existing concept of vagueness and elevated it to a truly thematic level. Rather than belittle the gambles a diner takes, we celebrate the inherent approximation of the entire dining experience."

"It begins with the menu: the names and ingredients appear in blurred type and are liberally accented with question marks; menu items photographed from across a busy street or, if close-up, partially hidden behind large, ungainly pepper mills."

"You may rightly inquire, 'what prevents utter chaos, say when a diner orders eggs Benedict and instead receives a rusted fender dragged to the table by an angry elk?'

"Not to worry, each entree delivered is promised to be conceptually close to that which was ordered. If the diner orders chateau briande, they will not be presented with Chinese acrobats, diving gleefully (and with great skill) into large vats of mashed potatoes while verbally assailing you for not supporting the Revolution."

"And if the diner requests Hollandaise sauce as a side order with asparagus, a papier-mâché puppet from a traffic safety commercial will not appear to ask pointless questions about Armenian train schedules. No, as we always promise, something closely approximating the order will arrive in the general location the diner is seated."

"But, should one seek the absurd or the surreal, there are of course restaurants specializing in this cuisine experience as well.  See for example the review that could appear here, possibly in the next issue, concerning the newly opened "Kafka's Steak Pit." In this establishment the food is very specific, but it is the diner who grows vague."

"Now, my friend, could I interest you in something that may resemble pancakes?"

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