Excerpted
from Zahkebob and the Big Potentate
by
Saddam H
Chapter
One
(continued
from page 1)... The sun’s rays, in celestial affirmation,
complemented, but dared not outshine the dazzling illumination emanated by the
20-story tall portrait of The Great Pathfinder who gazed down on his people. Its morning light, as if taking
guidance from Him, sparkled playfully, but dutifully, on the fecund waters of
the ancient Euphrates – pure as a freshly purged ministry
– as it flowed through the modern metropolis.
“It’s another beautiful, lustrous morning here in Baghdad. It makes me feel
even luckier than usual to be a Baathist,” sang Zahkebob to her station supervisor who
considered how her feminine attributes seemed even more desirable under the
shapeless coverall with the large English letters stenciled across its back that read:
BABBY MILK FACTRY.
“The Supreme Leader’s boundless generosity and wisdom is only exceeded by
his wonderfulness and shines with a pure glow that is hardly bearable for us
simple, but loyal citizens,” responded the simple but loyal station director.
“We are insignificant vermin as individuals, but infinitely potent as a
Nation, and we are indeed grateful and ready to give our very Essence so that
the Grand Cause of Baathist Pan Arabism shall prevail against all odds,”
Zahkebob laughed with youthful spontaneity as she donned her biohazard level-4
enviro-suit.
“Is there no treachery those Zionist infidels or their American lapdogs will
not try to usurp our patriotic warriors?” asked a concerned comrade.
“None,” she answered tersely.
The supervisor looked her over with healthy patriotic suspicion, noting
“politically unenthusiastic” in her work file.
To the casual observers such as himself, in fact to the observers stationed everywhere one
looked, Zahkebob might indeed appear unenthusiastic, even heretical, and therefore a
threat to the Defense of the Nation as a potential deviant from the True Path of the Party and Leader.
And at such a critical time! For now our Leader has drawn His Saber of Liberation to
rescue Province 19 from its devious colonialist oppressors and those traitorous Arab brothers who cynically call it
"Kuwait." But to those in Internal Security who were familiar with her
thick dossier, they
knew the opposite was true: Whenever
Zahkebob was at her work station, this beautiful Daughter of the Fertile Crescent,
this Ferocious Lioness of the Tigris, had a singularity of purpose and a
tireless drive to complete her patriotic task in a timely and efficient manner.
Zahkebob had little time for idle chatter or need for patriotic blandishments
since she already understood –
she was a Home-Front Warrior Maiden and would martyr herself at the drop
of a smart bomb to bolster The Leader and his brave Republican Guard in their defense
of Mother Iraq from heartless Zionist infidels and their barbaric American
flunky usurpers.
But it was more than patriotism for Zahkebob. She was also preoccupied with
another thought. More than a Soldier and Martyr-In-Waiting – the young woman
in the prime of her child-bearing years was deeply in
love. But such was her sadness, for it was a forbidden, unrequited love that she dare reveal to no one, so
miniscule an atom of humanity was she compared with the object of her powerful
desire – a name she dare not even whisper in the same breath as hers.
Zahkebob's brave heart, for as long as she could remember, belonged forever to His Towering Mightiness.
8888
So it had come to pass that Zahkebob –
her secret passion held firm by her brave Selfless National Character –
had taken her place as she would everyday at
the control panel to manipulate with her slender, dainty fingers the heavy mechanical
claws that extended into the low-pressure
chamber that gingerly held in their steely grip a tiny vial.
Viewing her work through the thick view port required concentration and
momentary diversion from her vigilance against other than Loyal Thoughts toward
the Leader, State and its eternal Defense. But, brave as a Babylonian, she
resolved, “So be it if I might eventually be taken to the Interior Ministry for justifiable questioning and eventual liquidation by less
experienced, overzealous informants rightfully erring on the side of caution – if there
is such a fate in store for me then it is be the will of The Leader and no
concern of mine.”
As Zahkebob gingerly manipulated the container that held one of the very special
defensive pharmaceuticals made at the complex, she suddenly heard a
high-pitched screech and then a flash of light –
and darkness.
All was chaos: A Tomahawk
cruise missile, fired from hundreds of miles out at sea by the Zionist enemy’s
cowardly American lackeys, had impacted squarely on the defenseless civilian
industrial facility and the Central Baby Milk Complex. The CNN
propagandists would cynically call it "collateral damage," but this was
hardly a kind description of the destruction of a civilian target and very
possibly our very special Heroine of the Party and Nation…
8888
Saddam H's Zahkebob:
The author-authoritarian's 2001 romantic
best-ever seller continues to receive nothing but rave reviews in his
native Iraq.
Chapter Synopses
Chapter
Two Zahkebab’s
Mysterious Rescuer
After the missile attack on the civilian non-military factory so ruthlessly
targeted by Israel and its American cronies, Zahkebob is trapped in the fiery
inferno. As she loses
consciousness, a handsome, mustachioed solder in a beret sweeps her away –
Was it all just a dream?
Chapter
Three In Secret Bunker
Seven
Zahkebob wakes to find herself
unscathed in a most fantastic place deep under Baghdad.
Chapter Four Proven
Loyalty,
Faith and Longing
After undergoing her necessary month-long interrogation and subsequent medical
recovery, Zahkebob is cleared by the Interior Ministry and
recognized for the Baathist Patriot she is – but she also confesses under
expert interrogation techniques that all she can think of is the
dashing stranger who rescued her from the fiery inferno.
Chapter
Five The
Mustachioed Stranger
When Zahkebob finally meets her handsome rescuer she is swept off her feet.
He takes her on a mystical journey into the past to visit Saladin and
together they defeat the Crusaders and other usurpers of civilization. .
Chapter
Six The Mother of all
Ecstasy
Though she deeply admires this
amazing warrior and his indomitable spirit, she admits to him her
heart has only one Master and she would rather die a thousand lonely deaths than give
herself to another –
even if it is impossible for her to ever be with
Him. It is then that the stranger reveals his true identity.
Chapter
Seven Tortured
Love
CLASSIFIED
Interior
Ministry
Chapter
Eight The
Greatest Sacrifice of All
At last, united with her great love, Zahkebob is fulfilled and
the happiest woman in the world. But her bliss is short-lived when she finds her Potentate
must change locations constantly – his
enemies are so many – and that it is his sacred duty to be among his
people in a crisis.
"Do people really need loving
guidance and strict measures from their Leader?" he wonders. "Yes my Potentate,"
Zahkebob says nobly. "The people need such strict measures so that they can feel
protected by this strictness." She kisses him and turns away so he
doesn't see the sad tear in her eye.
Chapter
Nine Glorious Victory!
The
True Path to Pan-Arab Unity during an illegal embargo is not an easy one, admits Zahkebob
to a fellow citizen in a weak, unpatriotic moment. Soon she finds herself
a citizen-volunteer, assigned to demonstrate her worthiness in a brigade
dispatched to drain swamps to finally rid southern Iraq of the Persian Shia' spy
nest that has been operating there for thousands of years cleverly disguised as all the region's inhabitants.
It is here she regains her Baathist honor, though she still pines for her Potentate's
return.
Chapter
Ten The Enemy at the Gate
CLASSIFIED
Interior
Ministry
Chapter
Eleven Torture,
Starvation and the Kurdish Menace
CLASSIFIED
Interior
Ministry
Chapter
Twelve Pain,
More Pain, Poverty, More
Poverty, Sorrow and Heartbreak
Even after her Potentate's glorious victory over America and its
United Nations puppet allies as well as the defeat of the Kurdish Menace, the going is hard for Zahkebob. But after the Leader
foils the cynical manipulations of the devious U.N.
spies,
she finally gets a job at a teddy bear factory handling very special defensive agents.
Chapter Thirteen Sacrifice,
Vengeance, Purity, Revenge, Martyrdom, Wrath, Avenged Honor
CLASSIFIED
Interior
Ministry
Chapter Fourteen Defensive
Technical Means and the
Great Cleansing
CLASSIFIED
Interior
Ministry
Chapter Fifteen Terrible
Revenge Is the Highest Duty
CLASSIFIED
Interior
Ministry
Chapter Sixteen The Gathering Clouds
With the ascension of Bush the Minor, once again the forces of
International Zionism and American imperialism combine to threaten the Nation.
Zahekbob waits for her Leader and works even harder, for the future of
Civilization is in her and her fellow patriot's hands. Her dream that she will soon be
at His side in Bunker Seven sustains her.
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